Wizardness

Robert sat in his favorite chair. This was the chair he sat in every morning for his routine. He just finished his breakfast and was settling in for his meditation. His coffee was still too hot, so he liked to spend about 10 or so minute meditating to cool the coffee enough to drink.
He used an app for his meditation. Despite the criticism of these sorts apps, Robert really enjoyed this. Sure, they could be abused by companies to “boost” productivity or to make a workforce more pliable. However, Robert had really found them to help with his daily anxiety. Anxiety that had been crippling and prevented him from engaging in life, at all.
As he settled in, he smelled his coffee, one of his favorite blends. Holler Mountain, not too dark, with some subtle flavoring that shifted depending on the temperature of the coffee. He’d even found that different flavors would appear if he reheated the coffee.
Robert smiled and leaned back into his chair. It was slightly over stuffed, so the huge arms of the chair almost crowded him. It made him feel very secure. Almost as if his chair was hugging him. The whole setup grounded him and let Robert feel the chair on all sides. The coffee let him smell the world around him. With the windows open he could hear the chirping of the birds.
Robert started his app. The soothing voice suggested he take some deep breaths. He breathed in deeply, smelling his coffee. He felt very connected to his body and to the world about him.
After closing his eyes, he could see where his body was touching the chair. He could feel how it hugged him. He felt his butt was lower than his knees and the cushion was less compressed farther up his thighs.
The hardwood was cool beneath his feet. His hands were warm on his belly and thighs. His began his scan of his body. He was sore from his long bike ride yesterday. He could really feel it in his neck and upper shoulders. His upper back was tight as well. He took a few breaths as he moved down his body, trying to relax.
As he got to his abdomen, he could feel some tension from his dinner last night. He relaxed and felt a fart squeeze through. Robert felt lighter and looser. These scans always seemed to relax his intestines and helped him stay regular.
After finishing up his scan he followed his breath and started to feel where he was breathing. This was always his favorite part. counting his breaths. It really helped him feel his body. Feel how things were working.
The app told him to move into a visualization. Robert’s breathing caught. He started to panic. The app told him it was OK if he couldn’t visuzlie the spark of sunlight, that it’s important to just keep trying. The efforts is what’s important.
Robert imagined the spark. The light on his chest. He saw it expand.
He imagined looking around. Instead of seeing himself in his home, with the well kept overstuffed chair. He was in a long dark hallway. The only light came from his chest. The darkness was oppressive. He could feel the darkness stretching out for him. The horrors in this hallway were overwhelming.
Robert tried to expand the light. He imagined the light was covering his entire body. That it filled him with its warmth, it’s lightness, it’s brightness.
Robert tried to let the image go, but only the light started to go. The hallway remained. He panicked, the light dimmed. In it’s place, darkness swiftly followed, like a squid’s ink.
Robert listened to the app, it seemed to be looping now. Telling him to visualize the spark on his chest. It’d always been there. This light, it’d always been a part of him. He’s lighting up the world with this spark.
Robert began to image the spark turning into a sphere and filling him. As he did the tendrils of darkness retracted, pulling back to just beyond the light. He imagined the light growing larger, staying light and bright. The warmth kept the frigid air away from him. He could no longer see his breath.
Robert stood, he glanced down, the overstuffed chair was returning to its former glory. He could see the light filling in the sunken cushion, pushing stuffing back into holes and placing leather seamlessly over holes. Robert smiled. He really did love this chair.
He picked up his still warm coffee from the end table, enjoying the smell of his coffee. The warmth of the coffee made the warmth of the light easier to feel. Easier to see. Easier to impose upon the hallway.
Armed with his coffee, Robert pushed forward, filling the hallway ahead of him and behind him with more and more light. He saw doors with cracked and peeling paint, dramatically fixing themselves as he walked by with his light. He could smell the fresh paint. The paint quickly dried, staying fresh and clean.
He opened the closest of the doors. He recognized it as his childhood bedroom. It even had the cross-stitched “Robert’s Room” hanging in the center of the door. Robert pushed open the door. The darkness lunged at him. The light in front of him began to fade. He could feel the darkness pressing in from his right side, farther down the hallway.
He tried to remain firm. Tried to image more light, but tendrils burst through the warmth. Their touch was icy cold. They left a freezing hot hand print on his cheek.
He tried to image the light. The warmth. The cold was so intense. He felt so alone.
He heard a voice mockingly saying, “I’ll give you something to cry about, you little shit.”
Robert glanced to his hand. His coffee was there. He breathed it in. He took steadying breaths. He counted his breaths. Took a sip of coffee. The nutty flavors coated his tongue.
He looked at the spark on his chest. He could hear it saying, “You can be anything.”
The darkness coalesced into his mother. He recognized that she was small, scared, unable to cope with the world around her. She lashed out at Robert.
He took a deep breath and imagined a world where she was happy. He struggled. He had only ever wished for her to leave him alone. For her to leave him with a friend. For her to just cease to be. Her happiness, made Robert’s spark and light grow. Robert smiled. If he could imaging her being happy, then imagining anyone happy or covered his in light was an easy thing.
He took a few deep breaths. He looked at the happy version of his mother. He shook his head, he’d never seen her look like this. He didn’t know if it was even possible.
The image began to crumble. Claws of darkness burst out of her mouth. The happy mother’s head wrenched and split. Light spilled out where blood would have poured. The darkness tore off the body of Happy Mother like a molting snake.
Robert shuddered.
The App told him to let the image go. To come back to his body.
Robert tried. he tried to image he was back in the overstuffed chair.
The smell of coffee.
The sound of the birds.
He heard her voice, “That’s right boy. Run, run like you always do. I’ll be here. Waiting.”
Robert opened his eyes. He was back in his favorite chair. Sweating. He took a sip of his coffee. He smiled, just the perfect temperature.