Wizardness

The smell was overpowering. He retched. He wasn’t even to the front door yet. “Who called this in?” He yelled over his shoulder.
“The next door neighbor.” His partner said.
Bill heard Sam loudly vomit behind him. Bill grimaced as he pulled out a mask. He pulled it over his ears. He hated this fucking mask and everything it stood for. Fucking CDC Bill thought. He swung his bag around and grabbed a second mask. He pulled that over top.
His glasses fogged up immediately, but at least he could breathe. He pulled off his glasses and put them into his shirt pocket. He walked up the stairs onto the stoop. Wasn’t much of a porch, even out here with all the space. Developer must have been part of that generation that wasn’t a fan of porches.
He got to the door, only to find it ajar. He tapped it open with his boot. It slowly creaked open, only to bump into something. Bill saw a line of switches, he flipped them all on. Flies immediately buzzed out of the door. Something was congealed on the linoleum floor, just next to a runner leading away from the door.
“Fucking body on the other side of the door.” Bill’s voice was muffled, even to him.
“What?” Sam yelled.
“Body! Going to look in the windows.”
Bill turned before waiting for an answer. He leaned towards the windows way to get a look inside. There was a small entry way next to the door, with a few windows. They were curtained, but there was some sort of stain on them. It looked like blood spatter.
Bill hopped off the stoop and walk around the house. It wasn’t just one or two curtained blood stained windows. Each room on the first floor seemed to have something staining the windows.
He made his way to the back door. He tried the doorknob. It turned. He pushed, it smoothly opened into a kitchen.
Bill threw up in his masks.
He ran.
He tore off his mask.
He ran past Sam.
He cowered behind his car.
He stared off into the distance.
He wiped his face.
Sam suddenly threw himself next to Bill.
They sat there. Barely breathing. “What do we do?” Sam said. Breaking the spell.
“We should just burn that house down. Shoot anything that tries to leave.”
“We’re not going to do that, though, are we?”
“Fuck…. FUck. FUCK FUUUUUCK.”
Sam chuckled. He laughed. His laugh turned shrill.
Bill wiped his face. He grimaced as he found trace vomit on his fingers. “Here’s what we’re going to do. You’re going back into town and getting everybody. Bring all the guns, SWAT gear, and vehicles you can. I’m going to start trying to sort out what’s happened in there.”
“Why don’t we just call it in and wait?”
“What are you going to say?”
“What do you want me to say to ‘bring everybody’?”
“I’ll get pictures and send them to you.”
The house moaned.
Sam looked at Bill. “You’re really going in there?”
“Not like this. I’m going to gear up, you start making calls.”
Bill went to the trunk of the squad car. He pulled out the gas mask. He pulled a helmet over the mask. He tapped his chest, reassured with the body armor. He shook his head and took off the mask and helmet. He unbuttoned his uniform and opened the vest. He looked in the car and found a metal plate. He strapped that to his chest, then pulled back on the vest.
With the vest and uniform back on he pulled a bandolier of shotguns shells across his chest. Then he packed a bag with shot gun, billy club, axe, extra mags for his long arm, and pistol.
“Sam, can I take your gun, too?”
“Here. You know it’s Slam, not Sam. Bill, we’ve worked together for almost a year now.”
“Slam, really? Fuck. Well, can I?”
“Yea, here you go.” Slam unbuckled his belt. He pulled off his uniform and tossed his vest into the bag. “Just in case.”
Bill grunted.
“Alright, I’m out of here. I’ll be back as soon as I can.” Slam hopped into the drivers seat. He turned to Bill, “Don’t do anything stupid.”
Bill gave him a tight smile and turned to the house.
Slam hit the gas, but watched as Bill made his way towards the back of the house. By the time Slam was on the main road, he’d already gotten a text message. Then an image. Another. At the stop light in town, he scrolled through them. Horror after horror. Each image somehow more grotesque than the last.
Slam threw on the lights and floored it through the empty intersection. He turned onto the highway and barreled towards the exit with the police station.
He rolled in and noticed a strange van outside. It was covered in a giant Peanut Butter jar with PBB in an 8 bit font.
Slam burst through the door, “Captain! We need to get out to -“
“It’s alright, Slam. Reinforcements are here.” Captain Rodgers said soothingly.
It was then Slam noticed the other people in the room. One guy was driving an RC car, another was, eating a hot dog, he had a hat with NP on it. Another was strapped with gernades and had a stylized bomb on a purple hat. One looked like an unassuming project manager. The last had an oxygen mask wearing a shirt with a two headed pterodactyl each wearing a small hat.
The room reeked of weed. In fact he saw the project manager and bomber using a vape right there in the office.
Slam laughed, “These guys? You think these high assholes will save Bill?”
NP turned on Slam, “Bill’s already dead.”
“Captain, are you serious about these guys? Bill’s not dead.”
“He is. It’s just the facts of a place like that.” NP said.
“Listen asshole, I’m talking to the captain.”
“Based on these images, we have an incursion. This here, that’s something we’ve been chasing for a while.” Dinosaur T-shirt guy said.
“You’re going to take us to this house. Then you’re going to sit in the car and get stoned.” Bomb said.
Slam turned to the Captain. Captain Rodgers grimaced and nodded. “They’re probably right Slam. I think Bill knew what he was doing.”
“Fuck. This is such bullshit.” He turned and ran to the armory. Momentarily, he returned with another vest, pistol, long arm, and some other weapons.
“Let’s go.” Slam said.
Dino guy got into the driver’s seat. “Slam get into the passenger’s seat. You’re navigating.”
“Why are you the driver?”
“They’re all high. I’m Kap. That’s Crash, with the bombs, that’s Nikon, that’s Tron with the car. He’s Zumar in the glasses.”
“What’s up with your mask.” Slam asked.
Kap just gave him an icy stare. He backed the van out of the station’s lot. Slam shifted uncomfortably. He could already smell the weed. They were hotboxing.
“What the fuck is wrong with you guys?” Slam cried.
“Dude, have you seen these pictures?” Crash asked. He took a hit of his vape, after coughing he continued, “This shit is fucked up. Do you expect me to see that sober?”
Slam sighed in exasperation. “Turn here. Left there. It’s 10 minutes down this road. Ok, there on the right.”
The van rolled up to the house.
“Zumar, you think the ladder can get to the attic?” Kap asked.
“Oh, for sure. Yea, just pull up there.”
“The attic?” Slam asked.
“Start at the top. Fucking idiot. Everyone knows that.” Nikon muttered.
Zumar pulled a lever in the back and the van shuddered. Some machine whirred and vibrated. A window suddenly crashed outside.
Crash giggled.
Tron pulled out a controller. He flipped up a display and focused. Slam heard a little car engine rev as it took off up, what must have been a ladder.
“Can we just go?” Slam asked.
“Are you really that impatient to die?” Kap asked.
“I’m not going to die.” Slam scoffed.
“You will with talk like that. Here, take a hit and calm down.” Nikon growled.
“Looks like a pretty normal incursion so far. I’m seeing what might be some eggs for flyers. We should get them first. then down the stairs, there are a few burgdens flanking the doors. FUCK! Not another one. God damn it.” Tron yelled. He threw the controller.
Zumar stood he threw open the back door. The van boiled into action. People pulled weapons out of compartments. Zumar and Kap pulled panels off the van to create some sort of shield. Zumar had a spear, Kap a splitting maul. Each of them had some sort of body armor on.
“I’ll go in first and push down towards the stairs. Nikon, you and Zumar take out the flyers. Crash and Tron send something towards those Burgdens.” Kap said.
The group nodded as Kap mounted the van and started to climb the ladder.
“What about me?” Slam called.
“What about you?” Nikon asked
“Stay here.” Crash said.
“Use this.” Zumar handed him a vape. He followed swiftly behind Kap.
Slam looked at them sullenly as they swiftly went up the ladder. He took a hit of the vape. He coughed and found himself melting into the side of the van. His muscles loosened. His neck popped and cracked. His stretched his back. He suddenly sat.
“Holy shit this is good.” He muttered to himself. He leaned back and rested his eyes for a minute.
Then the screams started. Slam’s eyes flew open he craned his head to look out the backdoor. Something was skewered on Zumar’s spear. He’d jammed it out a window. The scream was awful. It twisted Slam’s stomach.
A child. It sounded like a child in pain. A confused lost child. Begging to be found by its mother.
Slam staggered to his feet. No. It couldn’t be. Zumar had a CHILD on that spear. Without thinking Slam took another hit from the vape. His vision suddenly clouded. The child transformed. Wings sprouted where ears should be. Wicked horns jutted from the forehead. Chains and blades hung from shoulders. Lizard legs with feet ended in long Raptor like claws replaced chubby legs.
Slam rubbed his eyes. He shook his head. Zumar was slamming that monster into the side of the house. He pulled the spear inside.
Slam took another hit and raced up the ladder. He found horrors and chaos within. Zumar’s shield was in the maw of a huge flying monster. Nikon was throwing, what looked like hockey pucks, at other flyers. Kap was being pummeled by a giant nearly double his height, with Tron and Crash sniping and bombing it respectfully.
Slam found himself thrown to his back. He groaned as he try to understand what was happening. Zumar’s spear flashed above his face. Just in time to block a swipe of a clawed foot.
Slam pulled his pistol and unloaded a clip into the monster’s belly. Gore poured out of the wound. Splashing down onto his body armor. The armor began to smoke immediately. Slam felt strong hands pulling him away from the monster. He was flipped over and his body armor stripped off.
He was then tossed off towards the window. He rolled over and saw Zumar striding towards the next massive creature. The large flyer, next to Slam, had spear wounds all through his head. An RC Car bounced off Slam’s back into the jaws of another flyer. Slam heard a snick and the RC car was off moving again. The flyer landed on the floor with a greasy thud. Moments later, the attic was silent, except for the laughter of the group.
Crash walked over to Slam and offered him a hand. “Well, you survived. Welcome to the Peanut Butter Boys.”
“What the fuck is going on?” Slam asked.
“An incursion.”
“Yea, you said that, what’s an incursion.”
Crash shrugged, “this, these.” He pulled out a vape and took a long hit. He smiled as he walked away. Nikon had a camera out. Tron had another RC car driving down the floor below. Kap joined Slam.
“You should probably take another hit. You’re not going to like what you see if you don’t.” He said.
“What’s an incursion?” Slam whined.
Kap grimaced, “I hate that word. It’s not really accurate. It’s more that there was a dimensional anomaly that’s positioned beings from a non-terrestrial realm in this specific location. Most likely a Winged Whip, flew here from another location and created another anomaly. You see -“
“What Kap is trying to say. Monsters opened this up. If we don’t kill the Winged ones, another one will open up,” Nikon interrupted.
“Look, kid, if you want to do some good, go wait outside with a rifle and shoot any of the flying things out of the sky. Otherwise, you’re going to get in the way and get killed.” Kap added.
“It’s starting.” Tron called.
“Fuck.” Crash said.
“Slam, are you coming with us or are you doing what Nikon suggested?” Kap asked.
“Coming wi-“
“Ok. I’ll take point. Nikon next. Slam, Tron, Crash, and Zumar at the rear. If it’s already starting, then we need to be ready.” Kap said.
Without any further discussion the PBB stood and sauntered down the stairs. Kap immediately turned left and made room for the next person. Slam found himself in the middle of a vape cloud. A continual haze followed the group as they navigated the house.
It quickly became apparent to Slam that something was wrong. The hallway was much longer and wider than it should have been. They’d passed dozens of doors without making a turn. The size of the attic didn’t allow for a second floor this size.
“It’s real. It’s not just the time dilating effects of weed.” Crash giggled.
“How long have you had that cat with you?” Slam asked confused.
“Dah Buggeh? He’s been here the whole time. Oh, you’re high enough to see him now. You see this is the good stuff.”
“I see it.” Nikon said.
Slam peered over Nikon’s shoulder. On the view screen of his camera, there was something. Some sort of tear.
“Odd, that it’s up here.” Zumar commented.
As they passed yet another door way, the door burst open. Something, slammed in between Crash and Tron.
“Are YOU Serious? Why didn’t anyone catch this?” Tron cried. “Come on.”
Zumar shouldered forward. His shield butting the behemoth in the jaw. Slam blinked. He couldn’t figure out if the thing was a big dog or if it was something else.
Whatever it was, Zumar pushed it off Tron, enough that Slam could pull him away from the beast. However, the monster pivoted towards Nikon. Dropped his camera and jumped back. He pulled a hockey stick from his back and smacked it into the wall. Crash dropped something and rolled away from it. Kap and Zumar crashed their van shields together.
Crash winked at Nikon as he pushed a button on his power glove.
Zumar and Kap were thrown backwards down the hallway. They cried in surprise. Gore rained down from the ceiling.
Slam checked on Tron. His shoulder was bleeding, badly. Slam rustled through his bag for some medical supplies.
A voice called, “Form up!” It sounded like a stereotypical drill seargeant. Slam looked up. It was Crash. Despite the voice, he looked deadly serious.
Zumar and Kap staggered back and slammed their shields into the ground. Each braced against them. Kap’s eyes were unfocused. Slam suspected he’d had a concussion.
Nikon looked into the wound, “Poison. Fuck. Who wants to suck off Tron?”
Tron laughed weakly, “You’re the best at it.”
“Fuck you.” Nikon grimaced and sucked some of the poison out of the wound. Slam made a quick tourniquet above the wound to keep the poison closer to the wound.
Nikon looked a bloody mess when he finished. He pulled a vial out of his bag and poured it into Tron’s mouth. Tron coughed and sputtered. Slam dressed the wound adding some antibacterial to it. He released the tourniquet and waited. He counted heart beats.
“Well, it seems like your heart rate is calming. I don’t know if Nikon got everything out or not.”
“He didn’t. We gotta close the incursion.” Tron groaned and with Nikon’s help stood. “Not the first time. Really wish you guys had heard that dog.”
Crash shrugged, “Me too.”
Slam walked over to the guts and gore. There was a bow and quiver amongst the bones. He picked it up and plucked a kidney out of the quiver.
“Looks like it had some loot. Lucky you.” Nikon said. “Maybe you’ll be more useful.”
“What the fuck man, you’ve been ragging on me all day!”
“It’s true. That thing will actually kill things here without being loud and attracting attention.”
“You don’t have to be a dick about it.”
“I’m not.” With that Nikon turned and knelt beside Kap.
They had a quick whispered conversation. Nikon raised his camera. Slam shook his head in disgust. He wrapped the quiver’s belt around his waist and gave the bow a few test draws. It was a heavy pull, probably a 40 or 50 lbs pull. Slam sighed, he’d be able to use it for a while before he was worn out. He looked at the pulley system, it was impressive and would certainly increase his range.
“Nikon’s seeing something up ahead. It’s some sort of guard. He can’t see much beyond but there’s definitely a door or stairs beyond it Looks like the tear moved.” Kap said.
“Are there any doors between here and there,” Tron asked.
“No, but it’s far enough for them to know we’re coming.”
“Them,” Crash asked.
“Yea. More than one. Almost looks like kids in trench coats.” Nikon said.
“Ah. Shields won’t be of much use then.”
Zumar replied behind Slam, “Nope. Those things will be too quick.”
“Leave them with me. I can’t use my arm.” Tron said weakly.
“Optimus Prime!” Crash said suddenly, sounding comically like Star Scream.
Tron grinned evilly. “You know it.” He unslung his bag and unzipped it. He grabbed a controller and a massive RC Truck rolled out.
Kap pulled up his shield and pulled it closer to Tron. He knelt and gave him a water bottle, “How you doing, man? Hanging in there?”
“I’m alright. You got any bourbon?”
Kap grinned and handed him another bottle. He touched his shoulder and then stood and walked past Crash and Nikon.
“Do you need anything for the pain?” Slam asked.
Tron shook his head and took a hit from his vape. “I’m good. Anything harder than this and I won’t be able to control Prime.”
Zumar brought his shield next to Kap’s. “Don’t worry. We’ll get this wrapped up quickly.”
Tron nodded. His bald head slick with sweat. He looked greenish. Quickly, Tron was blocked off with the second shield and Zumar joined Kap at the front. He strapped a small bucker to his wrist. Kap held a small hatchet in his left hand and his splitting maul in his right.
“Hey, Make sure you aim between them, yea?” Crash said.
“Of course. I’m good,” Slam said. He swallowed nervously.
The group took off at a slow jog. Crash was launching bombs down the hallway. Shouts and cries of pain followed. Slam decided to take a page from Crash’s book and arced arrows towards the end of the hall. He grinned at the shriek he heard.
The group found the hallway opened into a large room. Scorch marks covered the floor. There were dozens of small corpses. They looked like puppies. Five or Six were pierced with arrows.
Slam took a hit. The puppies morphed into flaming rabbits. They were actively fucking over in the corner. As soon as they finished four or five young rabbits appeared. Slam watched in horror as they matured in front of his eyes.
The group he was watching suddenly exploded. Another batch exploded.
“Hey, Maybe shoot the mating ones?” Nikon cried.
Slam jolted awake from his reverie and drew his string back. He scanned the room and found a pair. He loosed. Watch it split open both rabbits. He grinned.
“FASTER SLAM!” Crash cried.
Slam looked up. Dozens were mating. He took a breathe and found another loosed an arrow, then moved to the next. He found a rhythm. Then he was out of arrows. He grabbed his night stick and extended it and ran into the fray. He hunted for his arrows. He pulled them out and smashed rabbits. He found his arm tiring from the swinging.
Suddenly the fight was over.
Kap and Zumar had dozens of cuts. Nikon’s hockey stick was shattered. The guard, whatever it was, was torn to pieces. Trenchcoat torn to pieces. Pieces of small impish looking things all over the entrance. At least a thousand rabbits were dead. Prime was looking worse for wear. Despite that it transformed and drove back towards Tron.
Zumar was hugging Kap. Slam heard him say, “Don’t worry man, they weren’t actually kids. They are impish demon. The puppies were hell rabbits.” Kap was nodding, but still weeping. Nikon rubbed his shoulder before getting up and looking through the corpses for loot or something. Something to calm Kap perhaps.
“Why can’t he see the demons.” Slam asked Crash.
“Allergies. He’s allergic to weed.” Crash said sadly.
“You mean.”
Crash nodded.
“Fuck.”
“Yea.”
Tron suddenly rolled up. He was sitting on the back of the Prime carrying both shields. He was looking rough. His clothes were soaked through with sweat.
Kap stood, the blood coating his face was tear streaked. “Let’s go. We need to move more quickly.”
They threw open the doors to find a long winding stair case beyond. Slam started at the mechanical stomp next to him. He found Prime carrying Tron down the stairs. The robot was struggling to keep up with the group. Tron’s frustration clear on his face.
Beyond the stairs, there was only a large circular room. A throne was along the far wall. A tear was just above it. Nikon stopped and looked through his camera. He was zoomed in.
“Stafu,” He whispered.
“Tim?” Kap asked.
“Yea.”
“Someone’s at his feet.”
Slam looked over Nikon’s shoulder, “That’s Bill.”
“You’re sure it’s Tim?” Kap asked.
“Of course. We’ve been through this before.” Nikon said.
“Well, I was seeing my sister then. I’m seeing a huge older woman’s bloated corpse here. There’s a cop on the ground. I can see some handcuffs on his wrists. He’s bound to the throne.” Kap replied.
“Look at you. Arguing over what’s real. It’s the famous Crashbomber and the Peanutbutter Boys. Are you going to break into song next?” Stafu called to them.
Before anyone could stop him, Kap pulled his hatchet and in a smooth throw launched it at the throne. Rather than hitting Stafu, though, it hit the throne’s leg. There was a loud metal THUNK as the hatchet cut through something.
Bill’s corpse suddenly stood and lurched towards them. It was screaming unintelligably.
Slam raised his bow. Kap turned and put his hand on the arrow. “Don’t shoot! Can’t you understand him? It’s Biil’s mother. This is his mother’s house! For fuck’s sake that’s not Tim! we left Tim to recover in Butler!” Kap cried.
“What are you talking about!
Bill’s corpse staggered up to Slam. He continued to speak incomprehensibly. Somehow the corpse’s rotting face managed conveyed frustration. Ooze started to seep from its eyes. It used a skeletal arm to pull up Slam’s bow and point it at Stafu, who was now floating several feet off the ground.
Slam ignored Nikon, Kap, and Crash arguing. Arguing about Bill’s corpse. Arguing about Stafu. Slam didn’t know Stafu, so even if it was Stafu, that didn’t matter. Stafu clearly needed to die.
Slam pulled the bow string aiming at Tim’s head and let the arrow fly. Stafu’s body crashed to the ground. The tear began to close. Suddenly reality shifted around them. The young red haired man he had shot disappeared. In place was a rotting corpse of an elderly woman. The woman’s body had exploded once it hit the ground. Fetid guts were covering them all.
They were in a kitchen. There were rotting corpses sitting at the table. They looked like they had just finished dinner. The plates hadn’t even been cleared away. The kitchen was a bright yellow. Almost a farmhouse style kitchen. There was a rack of pots and pans hanging above an island. The pans were coated in a dried red. The cast iron pans had fingers of rust seeping away from the blood stains.
Bill was on his knees holding Slam’s hand, sobbing.
“Holy shit, Kap was right.” Nikon said.
Crash burst into laughter, “Glad we didn’t kill Tim.”
Tron suddenly collapsed next to them. He fell from Prime, he rolled onto his side and vomited a green bile. Greenish goo poured from his pores. He shuddered as he coughed.
“Let’s get him to the van.” Kap said. Zumar and Kap gathered him up and carried him to the Van. Prime followed behind them.
“We’re off. Slam, you’re welcome to join us in the future. Good work out there.” Crash patted his shoulder.
Slam looked down at Bill, then the mess around them. “Why didn’t you tell me this was your mother’s house?”
“Because I knew who did it. I just wanted to be sure,” Bill sobbed.