Wizardness

Tobias staggered into the barracks. He didn’t even check to see if the rest of Epsilon was following behind. He needed to sit, to rest, to shake this off.
He sat at the table, his legs were shaking. A halfling was at his side with a glass of water and a beer. It was as if the halfling knew what he needed. He nodded an absent thanks. The halfing’s eyes were sad. He felt the small hand rub his back and slide off.
Tobias chugged the water, then moved onto the beer. He felt his muscles relax as the alcohol hit his empty stomach. He rubbed his face. He saw the boulders hurtling closer. He felt his helplessness. He jerked his eyes open. He saw Red staring at him. He growled and walked to the food table and made a plate.
He took the plate outside to eat in peace. His hand shook as he carried the plate out to his sitting rock. His hand shook. He stared at his hand, at the pain. He felt a welling of emotion. He felt it try to burst into a tear. He couldn’t cry. He couldn’t show that emotion. He was the thumb. Thumbs don’t cry. He staggered to his rock. He shivered.
“It’s ok to feel things.” a deep voice next to him rumbled. “You almost died today. In a way. You did die. You will never be that person again. You should feel that fear.”
“What do you know about it?” Tobias roared.
Plain looked at him with sad eyes. He pulled down a scarf from around his neck, there was more than one deep scar. “You aren’t alone in your brushes with death.”
Tobias looked away. “I, I didn’t know.”
“Of course you didn’t. That’s not the point. The point is, you need to feel. Please feel. Do not harden, not like Commander Lee.”
Tobias stared down the valley as the footsteps receded. He cried then. He let the fear and anger course through him. The anger at the sheer gall of it all, to end him, HIS life. How dare some stupid fucking cliff try to take that from him.
This was his life. Nothing so arbitrary should take it.
He saw the rocks, the slide. Tears smeared his vision. The rugged hillside became arms to grasp him and save him. Plain was saving him again. He was grabbing hold of Tobias. Catching him as he fell into another abyss.
His father had always encouraged him to stuff down his emotions. To bury any feelings about the other teams. To make sure they never entered his thoughts. His mother encouraged him to feel their loss afterwards. To feel the dangers of his team. To embrace that fear.
He never felt his own fear though. His own risks. Nothing like this.
His stomach roiled. He felt the hot bile burn up his throat. He barely had time to lurch to bushes near by to hide his vomit.
It was hot and watery. The beer and water he’d just drank. Snot and vomit dripped from his face.
He wiped his face and returned to his rock. Giggles was sitting next to it. He’d managed to drag a chair out.
“What do you want?” Tobias croaked.
“Brought you some water.”
“Along with the chair?”
“Nah the big man brought that out when he talked to you earlier.”
Tobias scowled. Giggles nervously laughed. He took a drink from another skin.
“Look,” Giggles said. “This is going to be hard. This is just the first of many, uh, paths, that could lead to our deaths or ruin. These visions I have, I don’t think they are visions of the future, but echos of a past. A past life, a past, something.”
Giggles swallowed another mouthful. “I can tell you this. All the echos that are, better? You choose to embrace your emotions, the echos that are horrific, you wall them off. Emotions are hard.”
Tobias glared, “What do you know about this?”
“I know your nickname for me is Giggles. That you believe me mad. These echos have broken my mind. I also know that when you embrace your emotions, you save me. Help me heal.” Giggles’ eyes welled with tears. He let out a soft cry.
Tobias sighed. He felt a cry longing to break through his lips. He let it. He let go. He leaned into it.
Eventually, he cried himself out. Giggles handed him the skin. He took a pull and sputtered. It was whiskey. He’d never liked whiskey. Giggles roared with laughter. After a moment, Tobias joined in.
The two sat in silence as they shared the skin and ate.