Wizardness

The sun was just peaking over the horizon when the Fist started out on their run. Tobias elected to run in the back. Having left the responsibility in Red’s hands for calling for rests. He was angry. That familiar tightness in his chest was there again. It was an old friend from his days in the games back home. This direction less anger. There wasn’t a target for it. He couldn’t point a finger and say “YOU! It’s YOUR fault I feel like this!” No, that would have been too easy.
The fighting had helped when he was younger. The training he did with his small groups. Mostly because he’d be exhausted. Continually exhausted. He’d drop to his bed at the end of the day and sleep like the dead.
His spark made that impossible. Even at their first rest, he felt like he’d barely ran anywhere. He couldn’t help but sigh in frustration. Which got him all sort of evil eyes from the women. He did his best to ignore them, but the tightness in his chest only grew. The second rest, he felt the anxiety radiating down his legs. He just needed to keep moving. Staying still, felt claustrophobic. He tried to steady his breathing.
“Look, Tark, just run ahead. You don’t want to be here.” Red snapped at him.
“No, the fist needs to run together.”
“Then stop acting like a petulant child.”
“Look, I used to run my anger out. I’d get exhausted and feel better. I can’t now!”
“Control your spark. Do not let it control you.” Plain said.
“Uh, how?”
“Order it, Order Boy,” Plain replied
“Enough chatter, let’s go.” Red said.
Tobias sighed in frustration. He started by listening to his breathing. He ordered it to breathe harder, heavier, to gasp.
Draganvil and Silverthorn laugh.
“Help me!” Tobias thought at his weapons.
Swing me and then take a break, Draganvil laughed.
“Fucking useless weapons. I thought you were supposed to help me with my spark.”
We are. Your spark is working amazingly. Silverthorn said.
Tobias scowled. He kept focusing on his breathing. He stretched during their next rest. His legs ached from inactivity. He blew out his breath and took another one. His nerves jangled.
“You know, just because her feelings aren’t about you, doesn’t mean that your feelings don’t matter, right?” Giggles asked.
“What the fuck do you mean?” Tobias snapped.
“Emotions are valid, but that doesn’t always mean they matter to everyone.” Giggles said.
“How can they be both at once?”
“The skinny kid can be in two places at once. Emotions and your feelings about something are going to be more than one thing. Not just to you and Red, but also to Ronlique, the rest of the Fist, and even to another part of you.”
“Let’s get running” Red called.
Giggles fell in beside Tobias. He ran smoothly. He seemed to be comfortable. Tobias as expecting some sort of malinger effect, but didn’t see any.
“How are you so… Philosophical about this? Don’t you have your own shit to deal with?”
“Yea, I do. You needed someone to talk to, though. We’ve had conversations like this before.”
Giggles lapsed into silence. Despite his manic energy, Giggles seemed to be calming Tobias’s nerves.
“What do you mean by valid?” Tobias surprised himself with the question.
“The fact that you feel an emotion, means that the emotion is true to you. Nothing anyone says can take that away.”
“That’s it? That’s all valid means?”
“Yes. Your emotion is real. It starts and ends with you.”
“What’s that mean, though?”
“I like talking to you. If you said that you hate talking to me and you only did it because we’re in Epsilon together, I cannot try to lash out and force you to like talking with me. I can be upset and angry, but I can’t direct it at you. It’s something I need to deal with. If you did like talking with me, then we can build a healthy relationship out of that. If not, then we might build a distrustful relationship that will fall apart under stress.”
“Why do I feel so, AHHH?”
“It’s stressful. It hurts. Processing stuff like this isn’t easy.”
The Fist arrived at the barracks before they could continue the conversation. Commander Lee was standing outside.
“Fist form up.” Tobias said.
Lee gave them a cursory inspection, nodding at each of them. Despite being dust covered, their attire was still well kept. “No more breaks on the run starting this afternoon. Run slower, but you cannot stop any longer.” He ruffled Raven’s pant leg, dust shook off.
“Today, you will start building your barracks. I believe Laughing Man and Tark put together a plan. Execute it to the exact day. Which means, today you select the site and start mapping out the foundation.”
Lee turned to Tobias, “You have, in your plan, three people working on that while three gather the foundation stones to mark it. Please assign the work as appropriate.
“After you start the work, you may eat. Do not forget your second run. Dismissed.”
Commander Lee turned on his heel and was gone.
“Laughing Man, I believe your plan calls for Skinny Kid, Big Man, and yourself to identify the site, correct?”
“That’s correct. I’m hesitant to change that. Skinny kid knows the dimensions. Big Man knows foundations. I know roughly what we need where.”
“Then that’s what we’ll do. Do you know where we get material?”
“Huh? Oh, you can’t see the big pile of shit on the other side of the barracks can you?”
Tobias walked next to Giggles, there was pile of huge boulders, components to make cement, and wood for framing.
“Answers that questions. Red, Ronlique, you’re with me. Let’s go. I’d like to get at least enough foundation framing material to them before breakfast. Let’s get to it Fist!”
“Yes, order boy.” Red said.
The fist walked to the pile together. Giggles grabbed a small hammer, a few pins, while Dar’kid grabbed some string. Plain grabbed a few shovels.
Tobias looked around at the material. “On second thought. We need to organize the material first. We’ll create a system and then start moving the material first.”
Plain laughed, “Yes, it was good anyway, we will need to dig the foundation.”
Tobias felt his shoulders drop. Why wasn’t the material sorted when it was delivered. He felt like whining. The tightness in his chest spread to a general pressure pushing out of his chest, up his throat, threatening to force tears from his eyes. He swallowed and took a deep breath, trying to keep everything in.
He looked at the women, “Do you have any ideas?”
“Why because women organize kitchens?” Red asked.
“What, no. I don’t want to dictate what you’re doing here. If you’ve got ideas, I’m all ears.”
“There’s a big pile of similar bricks there. Why don’t you take the other piles and add them to it?” Ronlique asked.
“Sure. I’ll deal with those. Looks similar with the logs and planks.”
“We’ll be starting with the nails and other fasteners.”
“Fine.” Before another word could be said, Tobias rushed to the brick pile.
“Hey, Order Boy, there’s a wheelbarrow here, take that. Fucking idiot.” Red said.
Tobias gave her a look. His anger flaring. He swallowed and nodded. He grabbed a wheelbarrow in each hand and went to collect rocks.