Wizardness

Dear Pru,
I was at my wits end with him. I was exhausted by his mood swings, his irritability, unwillingness to listen, and just the fact that he would suddenly turn into a giant toddler.
So, I’ve been seeing this guy for about a year now. Most of the time, things are great. He takes me out to dinner, we go dancing, we have similar tastes in music and movies. Even if he doesn’t like a specific musician or act the way I do, he certainly tolerates or indulges me.
It’s just sometimes, with no explanation, he’ll suddenly transform into a giant toddler. No, I mean, literally. He’ll be himself, this tall strapping man, with an amazing beard. Then seconds later, there will be an actual 7 foot tall toddler stomping around, crying, and punching people.
Most of the time it’s when we’re out that he turns into a toddler, but I’ve definitely noticed he turns into a teenager or occasionally a toddler while we’re alone together at home.
I’ve even recorded these events and he refuses to see it. He apologizes for being a dick, but he doesn’t believe that he literally turns into a child.
– Don’t want to Mother a man
Dear Mother,
First of all, you do not have to mother anyone. You are not responsible for fixing anyone. It is your partner’s responsibility to get the help that they need and if you decide that you do not want to be a part of your relationship, that is perfectly acceptable.
If you decide that you want to stay with him, then you need to make sure he takes care of himself, not you doing it for him. So, I would recommend two things, first, is during one of the good times, suggest therapy. There are definitely occasions where men will turn into teenagers or toddlers when therapy is suggested. However, it will help them understand what’s happening so they can take the next steps. In your man-child’s case, you may be dealing with food allergies or some other reaction to specific foods.
I had a friend, he would turn into a moody teen every time he had gluten. If you put him around bright lights and/or loud noises, like at a concert, he’d almost always turn into a toddler.
Your friend may be experiencing the same thing. Now, this is why therapy is so important. removing things like gluten from the diet is a loss. It’s hard to image a man without a beer in his hand, especially if they brew beer. Then he’ll turn into a toddler because he has to confront his own mortality. That he’s not a super human.
Between therapy and addressing these issues, I think you’ll be on the right path. As an added bonus, all the pain he’s caused in your relationship will be excellent fodder for him to discuss with his therapist or a couple’s therapist!
Best of luck,
Pru